The Things I'd Do
by DPraven
Summary: To catch a new meta-human, Barry teams up with The Rogues and ends up going to lengths he's never gone before, albeit unwillingly. Crossdressing!Barry with ColdFlash
1. The Plan

This was going to be embarrassing. How embarrassing depended on the outcome of the night, but regardless of what happened he was never going to live this down.

"Are you sure this is the only way we can do this?" Barry touched his finger to the com in his ear. Cisco and Caitlin insisted that he keep it in if he was going to the Snarts' house. He was staring in the mirror with Lisa behind him, holding up various outfits in front of him to see which one would most disguise what she referred to as his "vaguely masculine figure."

"We already went over this, Barry. You're posing as me and Caitlin, and Snart really wouldn't make a convincing Caitlin. Plus, this helps to disguise your identity when the Flash eventually shows up." Cisco spoke over the com.

"Don't worry, Barry. I'm sure you'll look great." Caitlin added. Jerk.

Cisco and Caitlin were sitting at STAR labs trying to cement the details of their plan. Mostly, they were just not allowed in the house to preserve a bit of his manly dignity while Lisa dug through her closet. According to Lisa, Caitlin had nothing fitting "for a proper outing," so he was stuck with whatever she could find in her overstuffed closet. Barry tried not to think about where she got the money for such lavish clothing, and tried extremely hard to ignore the fact that he actually _fit into her clothes._

Leonard was lounging in a chair in the corner of the room, watching appreciatively as Barry fidgeted half-naked in front of the floor length mirror. He was still convinced that there was no reason to shed his clothing, but against the combined forces of the Snarts he was clearly outnumbered.

"You sound like you don't want to be my date to the ball, Allen. I'm hurt." Leonard drawled, smirk evident in his voice even though Barry couldn't see him.

"Why are you in here again?" Barry snapped back at him.

"I can't leave you alone with my sister. Who knows what she'd do to you."

Barry's comeback was cut off when Lisa let out a joyful shriek, holding a sleeveless, floor-length black dress with a long slit up the side in front of Barry. It had a high neck that should hide Barry's adam's apple and a cinch at the waist to give the illusion of more feminine hips. Barry gave it a horrified look as Lisa beamed. There goes his last hope of avoiding this plan.

"It's _perfect._ We'll have to get you a sash or something to hide your shoulders, and of course you're going to have to shave your legs, but you'll look–"

"Whoah whoah woah, I am not _shaving my legs._ No go, find something else" Barry cut her off, putting on his most determined face. He had a sinking feeling that it wasn't going to make a difference.

"Barry, it's _perfect_. And you were going to have to anyways. No lady has hairy legs." Lisa shot back. She cut off all future argument by tossing the dress onto the bed and heading into the bathroom to rummage through the bathroom cabinets.

Barry turned to glare at Len, who was doing nothing to stifle his chuckles.

"You so owe me for this" Barry murmured, trying to play off the fact that he was just shut down by Snart's _little sister._

"Oh come on, it's not going to be that bad. Think about it this way: you're going to be the prettiest crossdresser at the party" Len teased.

" _I'm shaving my legs,_ " and saying it out loud just made it that much worse _"_ Do you know how long it takes for that to grow back? I'll be wearing jeans for a week! In the summer!" Barry definitely-didn't-whine to Snart.

"I'd shave my legs for you" Snart replied coolly, effectively stunning Barry long enough for Lisa to return and drag Barry into the bathroom, razor and shaving cream in hand.

Snart smiled to himself as he listened to Lisa instruct Barry on how to shave.

 _Now you're going to have to do this twice to make sure you get everything. Wet your legs, add the cream, and only shave over where there's cream to prevent razor burn. Go against the grain, and a little shaving cream goes a long way. And don't forget your armpits! You'll probably have to do those a few times._

He could just picture Barry's look of horror as he tried to process the situation. This is without a doubt going to be the best heist he's pulled.

According to Barry's Merry Band of Do Gooders, the target is a new meta-human with the power to control the minds of others. Apparently there had been a series of disappearances of highly accredited scientists and they managed to track one of the scientists to a lab underneath William Highland's newly acquired mansion. The scientists were making some sort of weapon, but that was all they knew about it. He and his wife were throwing a charity ball at the mansion, presumably to acquire more help as many big names in science were invited. Names like Harrison Wells, who was able to convince Highland to let his assistants Caitlin and Cisco go in his stead. They were banking on the fact that no one knew what Caitlin or Cisco looked like.

Snart, being the expert on breaking and entering, was contracted by the Flash gang to create the rest of the plan. After showing up at the ball, Barry and Len were going to break away and case the downstairs lab. Once signaled, Lisa and Mick were going to crash the party upstairs and hold up the patrons (The Rouges and the Flash Crew were still arguing on what gets to happen to the money they get). Len and Barry were tasked with getting the weapon out of the basement and into one of the two vans Lisa and Mick would bring, and the latter two would flee in the other before the police arrived. It was not necessary that they kept up the rouse of a robbery after Snart and Barry were gone, but everyone has already accepted that The Rouges were not going to leave the banquet empty handed.

Snart heard the sound of water rushing out of the bathtub faucet and Lisa exited the bathroom. She smiled.

"I think I'm having fun already"

Snart agreed.

 **A/N: So this grew out of a friend giving me this prompt for a story: "I'd shave my legs for you"**

 **What do you expect with a prompt like that?**

 **For those familiar with my updating background, I'll try to finish this story. I have Thanksgiving and Christmas break, and this is show that's still producing episodes so hopefully I won't lose my muse.**

 **Honestly, ColdFlash is just funny to me. But we could've called it Allert! We missed our chance!**

 **Reviews are helpful, thanks for reading!**


	2. To The Ball We Go

Normally Leonard Snart prefers to have every detail, every possibility, and every contingency plan worked out long before the actual heist. Sadly by the time The Rogues were invited to the table, they only had about 24 hours before the charity ball was to take place. They had to work fast, which wasn't easy considering the work they had to do to make Allen passable as a woman (which included a last-minute extremely awkward trip to a wig shop), not including the time it took to convince Allen that this was the only option (Len's sure he could have thought up another option, but this was just too good of a chance to pass up.)

Of course, the last minute planning did have the added benefit of Len getting to listen to Barry find his "Caitlin Voice" on the car ride to the event.

"Excuse me-" Barry cleared his throat and tried again "Excuse me, my name is Caitlin Snow"

"Try sounding less like a boy going through puberty" Snart deadpanned.

"Shut up. It's not as easy as it sounds."

"Oh trust me, you're not making it sound easy. And stop switching back to your normal voice, that's not helping. Just talk to me like you would at the ball." Leonard ordered. Barry begrudgingly accepted the advice and stuck to his "Caitlin Voice".

"Fine. So how do I sound? Semi-believable?"

"You don't have to raise your voice that high, Barry. It sounds a bit forced, and some women have lower voices" Caitlin chimed in his ear. They managed to convince Snart to wear a com too, though they had to stay on the entire time so they weren't seen repeatedly touching their ears. To keep things simple, Barry had a direct line to Caitlin and Snart (sadly) had a direct line to Cisco, and Caitlin and Cisco were sitting together at STAR labs, ready to provide assistance if Cold or Barry were engaged in a scientific conversation.

"Maybe we'd be better off playing you off as mute. I know I'd enjoy the night that much more" Leonard joked, glancing at Barry before Barry flicked his shoulder. The gesture was oddly playful for enemies, but Barry was probably just abnormally friendly. Or Snart was abnormally unfriendly. Probably both.

Snart took his eyes off the night road to give Barry another once over. He could objectively see how Barry could be mistaken for a woman – at least maybe if he stopped tugging at his panty hose – but it was still difficult to not look over and see Barry Allen in lipstick and a wig. Not that it was a bad look; he just hoped that they could really pull this off. He'd have to focus on drawing attention from Barry and getting out of there as soon as possible.

He pulled up to the mansion and managed to find a place to park, waving off the valet. Barry was nervously giving himself a last minute check in the car's rearview mirror. Snart got out of the car, trying to shake off how uncomfortable he felt in the tux without his cold gun, and walked around to open Barry's door for him. He obviously surprised the other man when he offered his hand, but played it off as acting in character.

"You look fine, Caitlin. Let's go."

Barry, accepting that they needed to start their roles now, took Snart's– Ciscos's– _Snart's_ hand and exited the car. Barry was wearing short black gloves because he refused to let Lisa paint his nails, and Snart let himself believe for a second that everything was going to go as planned as he watched Barry gracefully exit the car and close the door.

That is, until Barry took his first step in his 1 inch heels and almost toppled onto his face.

Snart caught him before he could draw any attention. Immediately after Barry straightened up, Snart lightly dropped his right arm around Barry's waist, holding Barry's right hand. He positioned himself on Barry's left side and touched left wrist. The sash Barry wore brushed against Len's arm. Hopefully it would look more like they were dating, and less like Barry was using him as support. Snart tried not to smile at the loud blush on Barry's face.

Thankfully Snart was an inch or two taller than Barry, so even with the heels that Lisa deemed absolutely necessary Barry's height shouldn't be a problem.

Hanging from Barry's right elbow was a black purse where The Flash suit and a smaller, less deadly version of his Cold Gun Cisco had whipped up last minute were hidden. Random make up and other things were stuffed in to the purse to disguise the bulge the two items made hidden behind the seams in the bag.

They start to walk toward the house, mostly secluded in the parking area and even more so in the dark, which turned out to be a blessing as Barry gripped his arm and struggled to walk. Snart let out a sigh. This is why you plan ahead.

"No one's going to buy this if you can't even stand up on your own" Leonard said under his breath.

"It's–" Barry switched into his more feminine voice, obviously determined "It's just this asphalt. Once we get to flatter flooring I'll be fine." He straightened his back and tried his hardest to look composed.

Len's gotta hand it to him, the Kid doesn't break easy. That at least gave him a bit more confidence with this whole mission. Even though they don't know what they're up against, how they're going to get the weapon out, or really even what the weapon was. Regardless of if they succeed or not, it's gonna be one Hell of a mission.

They got to the door (and Barry actually is doing much better on the flatter cement) and Snart handed the doorman their invitations.

"Cisco Ramon and Dr. Caitlin Snow, filling in for Dr. Wells"

Barry smiled brightly at the attendant, but nervously squeezed Snart's hand. The man just nodded and let them into the house, which was bright and loud. Men and women were milling about in fancy clothing, holding cocktails and chatting noisily to one another. Waiters holding trays of hors d'oeuvres and empty glasses slipped unobtrusively among the crowd. There were chandeliers and music and far more people than Len had ever been around his entire life. This was not shaping up to be a fun evening for Snart, but then Barry looked up at him and tugged on his arm and they were off.

"Let's go find the man who invited us" Flash suggested, nudging Snart to continue with their plan. If they had time and were feeling confident, they were supposed to try and get information on the man behind all this.

They waded through the crowd together, looking for a man that fit Highland's picture. Snart jumped every time someone brushed his side, and seemed to throw deadly glares at anyone who touched him. His hand was clenched tight around Barry's wrist and Barry tossed him a worried look before Snart started growling at people.

"Are you alright?" He asked under his breath, though sticking with the higher voice in an effort to remind Cold about their plan.

Snart made a visible effort to calm down and school his facial expression back to his unreadable standard, but his hand didn't let up on Barry's wrist.

"Too many people here" He responded, almost growling.

"Aw, is Captain Cold shy?" Cisco chimed in his ear.

"More like I've got an itchy trigger finger" Snart snapped back, making sure to lower his voice so he couldn't be overheard.

Barry's hand shot out and plucked a glass of champagne off a passing waiter's tray and pushed it into Leonard's hand. Leonard downed it in one shot and dropped Barry's arm completely. Ever the Hero, Barry retrieved the empty glass and stepped away to replace it with a fresh one.

He hadn't walked too far, but when he glanced back Leonard was out of sight. Barry scanned the crowd, looking for any sign of Snart. They weren't supposed to split up because of the Meta in the room, but Snart had really looked like he needed a drink and champagne wasn't that strong so –

Barry turned and bumped straight into someone, grateful that he didn't have a full glass to spill on the man.

"Oh, excuse me, I'm so sorry, I–" Barry cut off when he recognized the man

"No, it was my fault. I'm William Highland, and you are?"

* * *

 **A/N: Dun dun dun? No?** **Too obvious?**

 **No worries. I've got a trick or two up my sleeve for the next chapter, just you wait.**


	3. Slipping In

"I'm William Highland, and you are?"

"Mr. Highland! Hi, thank you for inviting us. I'm- um- I'm Caitlin Snow" Barry shook his hand, hoping his disguise would hold up. He simultaneously tried to look shorter while still sticking out his chest (which was bound by his nemesis's bra, stuffed with socks) and wow, he was gonna need therapy.

He glanced anxiously around the crowd for a grumpy tuxedoed man with a shaved head. If anything went weird with Highland, he needed Cold to cover him. Finding none, he smiled back at Highland.

"Barry? You found him? Where's Cold? Barry, is everything alright?" Caitlin buzzed in his ear, obviously worried. If Highland were to take control of _The Flash_ just because he stupidly veered from the plan and abandoned Snart, well, things wouldn't be good. He tried to keep his head clear and focused on the plan, alert for any signs of mind control. He pictured the newspaper headings: _Central City's Hero Revealed to be Transvestite Barry Allen._

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Ms. Snow. Actually, I wasn't the person who invited you. This charity ball was my beautiful wife's idea. She has such a big heart; she just wants to give back to the community. She's been planning this for weeks. Have you met her? Oh, she's just so sweet, the nicest woman I know. That's why I proposed, you know. The moment I saw her I knew I wanted to be with her forever."

Barry reflexively took a step back at the man's behavior, forcing an uncomfortable smile. He didn't really sound like he was all there – definitely not like the man Caitlin and Cisco described to him. His eyes had an odd sort of glaze over them, and Barry started to wonder what was in the drinks they were serving here.

"Barry! Barry, get over to Snart now! Run!"

Leonard saw Barry dart into the crowd with his glass, obviously looking for another. Leonard hoped he hadn't spooked the Kid with his behavior. He didn't know why he was surprised when he saw the crowd – this was a party, wasn't it? – but he's cooled down now.

He glanced around the crowd to see a woman looking right at him. They locked eyes for a second, and immediately he felt something in the back of his head telling him to leave. He ignored it, and it went away.

He was waiting for someone, he knew, but he walked over to her anyways. Her blond hair was pulled back into a tight bun with a few strands hanging loose.

"Thank you for joining us this evening. And, what is it that you do?" She had really striking green eyes.

Some voice sounded in his ear: "I'm a mechanical engineer at STAR Labs" he repeated automatically.

"Oh, mechanical engineer? That sounds like such a hard job, it must be a lot of work." She reached out and grabbed his hand, holding it in her own delicately. He was silent. Someone was talking in his ear again, but he wasn't listening. He just wanted to listen to the woman in front of him.

"You know, I do have need for someone like you. Could you help me with something? Please, it would mean so much to me." He nodded. She was so nice, and she needed help. He was going to help her. She was so nice.

"I need you to-"

"CISCO!" Someone ran into him and forced him to drop her hand.

Where was he? His head was fuzzy, and he was immediately on edge. He wasn't wearing his gun. He clenched his fists instead.

"I'm sorry, miss, but we really have to go. It's an emergency, we have to… do something. Sorry." Someone – Barry? Was he wearing makeup? – said even while tugging him away by his arm. He was going to help someone, right?

Barry apologized to the woman Len was talking to and pulled him to the corner of the ball area, heels clicking obnoxiously on the floor.

"Caitlin, why did I just scare some random woman?" he asked aloud, no longer really caring about being heard as he dragged Len through the crowd.

"That wasn't just some random woman, Barry, that was the Meta. I think that's Mrs. Highland." He heard typing in the background "Apparently she caused some big scandal by marrying William Highland only a week after they met. People thought she was a gold digger, but his family supported the marriage. Barry, I think you should check on Snart."

He pulled Leonard into a semi-secluded corner of the banquet room and started to mentally put together what he saw with Mr. Highland. She must be controlling his mind. Barry placed his gloved hands on the sides of Len's face and forced him to look up at him so Barry could check his eyes.

Thankfully, he didn't see a glaze. Snart just looked a little confused, and he even jerked his head out of Barry's grasp.

"What the Hell… Flash? Are you…?" Snart started, taking a step back, his hand hovering above where his cold gun would be holstered.

"Hey, Len. We're on a mission here, I'm Caitlin and you're Cisco. Remember that?"

Snart put his hand to his head and made a sound like he was nursing a headache. He ignored Barry's question.

"What was in that drink you gave me, _Caitlin?_ " He asked with a healthy amount of accusation, though Barry was pretty sure Snart had already put together in his head. He was a bit of a genius like that.

"So we found the Meta." Barry added, mostly just to fill the absence of talk.

"No shit. Let's just get the damn gun." Snart shook off the remaining haze and stalked toward the door they knew was locked in the far corner of the room, leaving Barry to follow.

By the time Barry was able to catch up with him, Len was already picking the lock. He decided that the heels were the first thing to go once he got on the other side of that door. Being slow sucked. Len glanced over at Barry when he got close enough.

"Jesus, about time you showed up, Scarlet. I need you to give me a bit of cover here." Snart jerked his head toward the door, motioning for Barry to walk over to him. Once Barry was within range, unsure of what Snart was asking him to do, Len placed his hands on Barry's thin hips and awkwardly maneuvered him between himself and the lock. Barry did as he was directed, reluctantly so as Snart had to get quite close to him to reach around and feel for the lock. To anyone else, it would look like Snart was seducing him, and wasn't that an odd thought. Barry could feel his arms around his waist, though, and froze.

"You know, you're not really all that good at playing your part" Len's whispered amusedly. Barry put on a confident face and a cocky smile, looking Len in the eyes. That usually seemed to work with him.

"And my role is?" Barry asked with an arched eyebrow.

"Right now? You're being expertly seduced, falling dearly for my charming personality." A look of annoyance flashed briefly over Len's smirking face and Barry could only imagine Cisco's reaction to that statement. The realization that they really weren't as alone as they thought (Caitlin had been quiet for quite some time) sent Barry back into mission mode. Or at least, he tried.

"Um. So, you can pick locks by touch?" Barry asked, and then winced. He was nothing if not the least smooth person ever. Snart smirked a bit at the flounder.

"I'm good with my hands." Len punctuated his statement by unlocking the door, and heat flooded Barry's face completely without permission. Mission, mission, they were on a mission.

Snart checked over his shoulder to make sure no one was watching, then they slipped through the door.

 **A/N: I hope you all realize how easily Barry's disguise could have been avoided, and how much Len just wants to screw with him. There will be much more of this screwing with Barry happening, and much more of Cisco and Caitlin hearing things they really don't need to hear, because why not? This is a fun fic, with a bit of plot mixed in.**

 **How'd I do? Review, tell me things you like and things you don't like. I'm a sucker for innuendos, so there'll be those.**


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